Thursday, February 16, 2012

In a funk, yo...

I cannot believe it has been almost a year since Jason and I have been married, ya'll. WHERE the hell did the time....go?
And it's been almost five years since I met my guy. When I met J, I was doing the medifast diet. I'd lost like almost 30lbs and while I still had more to lose, I thought I was hot ish something else. I mean I wasn't walking around acting like that but when I met Jason, I was kind of cocky about it. Um, in my defense I was also twenty-three, and clearly had a lot to learn about myself.

Fast forward and I've gained the weight back and then some. And that's not even what upsets me, but I feel like I have let myself go. I mean I'm not walking around wearing a mumu or anything. But back in the day, I really made more of an effort with my appearance.

Once Jason and I started dating, I had to change some things. He's a chill guy and wasn't going to deal with some chick wearing uncomfortable heels and complaining about it after an hour. He always tells me he thinks I am beautiful and a lot of the time I'm wearing pj pants, a tee and my glasses and while that's sweet I think sometimes when you're in lurve you get lazy. You don't mean to (I know I didn't) but it happens...

I had dinner with a girlfriend last night. She is one of my fave people, ever. She went through a very bad divorce recently and of course it's changed her. Before when she was married, I always thought she was a beautiful gal (inside and out), but she used to joke that she wasn't into fashion and didn't care about all that. Now that she is single, she is different in how she dresses. She def makes more of an effort. I'm not saying at all that she didn't make an effort before, but that if someone like her (cute, petite, etc) was happy, comfortable and what not then where does that leave me?

And like I said its not that Jason has said anything. But I am more insecure now than not and what that means for he and I is that I constantly ask him if I look okay and occasionally freak out if he takes too long to answer and if he thinks I am pretty. Like if that  isn't a total buzz kill for a marriage, I don't know what is.

It's time I work on myself. So I feel better and so I don't constantly bombard my husband with questions he can never answer correctly.

{I may occasionally be guilty of this, myself}


  1. Aw girl don't feef bad, I was in a slump last year for a bit and it was the main reason I decided to start working out again and getting healthy :-) I find that when I make an effort to get dressed up even for a girls night or dinner or out with hubs I feel so much better about myself. Good luck & that picture has me cracking up! xo miss u!

  2. Since you're currently not working, this is a great time to re-invent yourself! I know what you mean about getting lazy. When I was single, I re-evaluated weight/style/etc. weekly. Once I got married, it was more like every 3 months. My husband gained a little weight once we were married due to the stress of his Army job. When we spend time apart (like during this dumb deployment), we have time to re-evaluate and work on ourselves individually when it comes to health and fitness. It's when we're together, on the couch at 7pm eating ice cream in the winter that it gets dangerous!

  3. Ohhh I am so guilty of the neck-up photos, ha! And girl, I was seriously laughing at my desk when I read the bit about not wearing a mumu because guess what...I'm guilty of that too! But I can totally relate about feeling overly self-conscious because I gained what feels like a ton of weight after my wedding and finally got back to working out! You are in the perfect position right now to change your lifestyle so make the most of the unemployment days because before you know it you will be working again :)

  4. I totally know what you mean. Back in 2006 I had lost about 30 lbs. and was feeling so good about myself. Then at the end of that year I got in a relationship. I gained about half of it back over the year we dated. Then we broke up and I lost a little and then I got back in another relationship and gained it all back (and then some). That relationship ended 2 years ago and I am still working on getting back to my 2006 self! I have vowed that I will never let a relationship do this to me again. (fingers crossed!)

  5. I think you are beautiful and an awesome person :) I know you are making great steps already, cooking healthy meals at home and exercising occasionally.

    Have you tried setting a goal for yourself? Hagin told me, when I was trying to lose weight before the wedding, that if I got down to the weight I wanted he would take me on a $500 or $1000 shopping spree (I don't remember). The shopping spree never happened lol but it was good motivation.

  6. Don't feel to bad. When I met my future husband I had been on Weight Watchers for about a month, losing 20 pounds. In the year that followed I lost 30 more. I gained back a bunch but not all. I was feeling terrible about myself. I hated myself. I recently started My Fitness Pal after following another blogger's success. Lost a little over six pounds in 2 weeks. I'm feeling a bit more myself in this time. You might want to try it out. If you do you can follow me kj2380 and we can give each other inspiration

  7. You're not alone! I started my last serious relationship the skinniest I've ever been and gained about 10 pounds while we were together. By the end of it I felt like I was making less effort to look good for him than I made just for myself before him.

    Maybe you just need a little pep in your step. Maybe try reorganizing your closet and putting together a few outfits you look really great in? Colors that flatter, fits that work with your bod, you know?

  8. I have definitely been in that place where I've "let myself go" even though I tried to stop myself. Sometimes life just gets in the way. You can definitely get yourself back to a good confident place! I'm here for support, since I'm going through the same thing.

  9. I completely understand how you feel because I'm feeling the same way too! It's easy to relax our standards a bit over time as we get comfortable and realize our men love us no matter what. We gain a little weight (which I refer to as Love Pounds), then we wonder what the hell happened to us! (It doesn't help if you have a husband like mine who encourages you to be lazy.)

    I think it's awesome that you're recommitting to making more effort, and it makes me went to do the same. I lost 25 lbs before my wedding, which I've since put back on. It came back so easily! My husband has never said it's an issue, but I'm over it. I think I need to do the diet and exercise, but also commit to doing myself up more (hair and makeup) and wearing my cute outfits again. Yup. We're here for support if you need it! :)