Hubs and I dated for over three years before we got married, so we knew each other pretty well. But here is something married people like to tell you, "You don’t know someone until you marry them". Being the know it all that I can be, I thought, "Psssh, we know each other, thankyouverymuch. We’re not like the rest of you". They also tell you marriage is work and compromise. And again I tossed my head back and rolled my eyes. Yea, yea, yea it’s work and compromise, blah, blah, blah.
Jason and I are both super
stubborn independent people and it has definitely caused a few arguments in the past. When were just dating, we had a few bumps along the way due to this. My mom, who has been married to my dad for twenty-five years, tells me all the time that someday I’ll learn to pick and choose my battles. I love my dad to bits but sometimes I see where I think he is wrong on something and my mom just keeps her mouth shut (side note: my mom is an Italian and Irish lady from West New York and isn’t timid or quiet. She’s just smart and has been married for a long time) and when I ask her about it later, shel'll tell me, "You’ll learn, Nichole. It comes with age". And that really annoyed me. Why do I need to be the one to compromise myself for someone else?! Won’t I lose myself in the process and really, how is that fair? If this is the case, why the hell did I get married?! (side note: I tend to overreact in the heat of the moment, in case you couldn’t tell)
But in just the short time hubs and I have on the ride through marriage land, I see what mom has been talking about. I love my husband (duh, otherwise we wouldn’t have gotten hitched) but there are days we drive each other insane and because we’re not *just* dating anymore, we have to find a balance or we’ll kill each other. There isn’t any breaking up over stupid stuff. If you have a fight, well you have to figure out a way to learn and move on from it. I have to be honest and say most of the time; it’s me (now I really hope you’re reading this, J. You know I would never say this aloud!). I am usually the one who gets worked up and opens their mouth, first. Actually Jason has probably "compromised" himself more than I have throughout our relationship—he gets it better than I do, huh? Sometimes, I have valid reasons and sometimes I am mad about something else that I didn’t speak up about and then I decided to open my mouth (I really need to work on this self control thing) when I was really annoyed.
I’m learning though. It’s not that compromise in your marriage means compromising yourself. It’s growing up is all and learning that not everything is worth a fight. It can def be a struggle for someone like me who often speaks before she thinks but I’m starting to see and understand…all in good time, I hope.
So to all you married folks, engaged couples and dating peeps, have you known the art of compromise all along, or is it something that you have had to work at?