Friday, September 23, 2011

Word of the day: Compromise

Hubs and I dated for over three years before we got married, so we knew each other pretty well. But here is something married people like to tell you, "You don’t know someone until you marry them". Being the know it all that I can be, I thought, "Psssh, we know each other, thankyouverymuch. We’re not like the rest of you". They also tell you marriage is work and compromise. And again I tossed my head back and rolled my eyes. Yea, yea, yea it’s work and compromise, blah, blah, blah.

Jason and I are both super stubborn independent people and it has definitely caused a few arguments in the past. When were just dating, we had a few bumps along the way due to this. My mom, who has been married to my dad for twenty-five years, tells me all the time that someday I’ll learn to pick and choose my battles. I love my dad to bits but sometimes I see where I think he is wrong on something and my mom just keeps her mouth shut (side note: my mom is an Italian and Irish lady from West New York and isn’t timid or quiet. She’s just smart and has been married for a long time) and when I ask her about it later, shel'll tell me, "You’ll learn, Nichole. It comes with age". And that really annoyed me. Why do I need to be the one to compromise myself for someone else?! Won’t I lose myself in the process and really, how is that fair? If this is the case, why the hell did I get married?! (side note: I tend to overreact in the heat of the moment, in case you couldn’t tell)

But in just the short time hubs and I have on the ride through marriage land, I see what mom has been talking about. I love my husband (duh, otherwise we wouldn’t have gotten hitched) but there are days we drive each other insane and because we’re not *just* dating anymore, we have to find a balance or we’ll kill each other. There isn’t any breaking up over stupid stuff. If you have a fight, well you have to figure out a way to learn and move on from it. I have to be honest and say most of the time; it’s me (now I really hope you’re reading this, J. You know I would never say this aloud!). I am usually the one who gets worked up and opens their mouth, first. Actually Jason has probably "compromised" himself more than I have throughout our relationship—he gets it better than I do, huh? Sometimes, I have valid reasons and sometimes I am mad about something else that I didn’t speak up about and then I decided to open my mouth (I really need to work on this self control thing) when I was really annoyed.

I’m learning though. It’s not that compromise in your marriage means compromising yourself. It’s growing up is all and learning that not everything is worth a fight. It can def be a struggle for someone like me who often speaks before she thinks but I’m starting to see and understand…all in good time, I hope.

I'll compromise with this guy (and his fancy tuxedo shirt) any day <3

So to all you married folks, engaged couples and dating peeps, have you known the art of compromise all along, or is it something that you have had to work at?


  1. I can dig it. Compromise is now my word of the day!

  2. I'm engaged but I feel like our relationship has been a huge compromise. That is once you get out of the cute begining period. I noticed it most when buying our home. Wedding planning has been very easy. I find its more the day to day issues we clash on but no matter what I wouldn't want to compromise with anyone other then him :)

  3. I actually have the opposite problem most of the time where I'm too compromising. I just defer to David's suggestions but I've gotten better about that. I voice my opinions more often. I've learned that he cares about what I'm thinking about, even for the mundane things like dinner.

    But I can understand your thoughts about nothing really changing after marriage. We'll have been together for 3 years when we get married and lived together for 2. Things can't possibly change that much. But that's another learning curve I'll be coming across =)

  4. I think as long as you have the right person, comprimise isn't all that bad. Can def be tricky at times...Kristina, when we buy a house I can only imagine the comprimising we will do! Oy