Sunday, September 1, 2013

122

One hundred and twenty-two days; seventeen weeks. Then the year is over, and lucky for me, my birthday falls on the second day of the new year. And more specifically, my thirtieth birthday. I last posted at One hundred and fifty-four that I was going to make changes, once and for all. I have, but of course just like everything in my life, {and perhaps you do this as well?}, I lose momentum after a few weeks.

Everyone has been so supportive, and while I feel like I let myself down, I feel like I even let my friends down, because I haven't been the best me in a long time. I feel like I am letting my husband down, too.


The funny thing is that when I watch or read weight loss stories, I almost always pick up on the part where the person who lost a ton of weight, or the coach motivating said person to lose weight says, "you didn't think you were worth it", and "you didn't think you deserved it", and I really never thought that was me, or how I personally felt.

My life is mostly great! I don't love my day job, but  do have a nice side business beginning to form, as an event planner. It is very slow going but I am okay with that. Other than that, I have a good life. But I am not me, and I don't think I have felt like myself for a long time.

Plainly put, I am miserable. And I push that misery into the back and don't tend to it, like I should. Lately, I actually hear those little statements of no worth in my head. I don't know how long I have ignored it and/or felt that way. I didn't think  that was how I felt, until I realized it. Denial, is a heck of a thing.



Jason, who knows me better sometimes than I know myself, knew this before I did. Hell, my best friend did too. And while I sort of want to hate them for knowing it and saying it, they are right, damn it.

So, instead of just blogging about it. I'm getting very real here. I'm doing something I have thought about doing since January when I started to share my weight loss struggles, for the umpteenth time, but was scared to do so. My hope is that if I start to be true to this journey, I'll see the results I desire.


Since it is a new month, I figure now is as good as time as any to get brutally real here, and pray no one laughs at me. I'm sharing my weight. And then running under the covers to promptly die.


There is no turning back now.





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18 comments:

  1. One of the best things I could have done for my weight loss(bedsides becoming more positive) was be very real and detailed about my progress, goals, successes and failures on my blog. Something about facing my weight on a public scale(no pun intended) gave me an accountability that I'd never had before. I wish you the very best and I hope you come to find that the blog community can do a world of good to be supportive and encouraging for you.

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  2. I have a few ideas that might help you (if don't already have a plan of action!). Having a plan is the most important part! We're all rooting for you Nichole! You can do this :)

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  3. LETS DO THIS!!! TEXT ME! <3 I'm with you 100%. I'm ready to start. I will hold you accountable too. :)

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  4. You are so brave and honest for posting this, takes a lot of courage I know AND I know you can do it girl!!!!!!! I need to get my butt in gear for real I have been slacking like CRAZY the past few months and it's starting to show :-(

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  5. You got this Nichole. And I'm behind you 100%. Yes, having your friends and family behind is great motivation but you have to make sure that your are doing it for yourself first and foremost. If you need to chat or anything feel free to chat me up, you know where to find me <3

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    1. Sue, you are such a sweet and supportive friend. Thanks for always being so kind <3

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  6. What a brave and bold post. If you can do this - you can do anything. You have got this Nichole. Remember that other folks reading your blog are inspired by YOU! So even on the days that you feel you may have let yourself down... Know that someone out there is relying on YOU so that they can continue. FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT kiddo. Believe in yourself and even on the days when you find it hard to (we all have them) Believe in yourself regardless - because it's just a little bump, for that moment, in your journey.

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    1. I never would have thought of it like that, Bonnie! Thanks for the eye opener and support. :)

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  7. You can do this. The second and third week will be the hardest, but after a month of being dedicated and committed you'll start to feel and see the results in clothes and pictures. Then other people will start to see it and you'll feel even more pushed to keep going. You can do this. I know it! Keep documenting it here and that will help for sure. Can't wait to keep following this journey!

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  8. You are so brave to publish your weight. I am jealous of your courage. Great job! I cannot wait to see your success!

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  9. Best of luck to you. I have struggled with my weight my entire adult life. I am sending good vibes your way!!!

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  10. i commend you for sharing your weight...i don't know if i could ever. I struggle with my weight every day but I feel like I do nothing! I really need to get my ass in gear. I hope you keep up with it! I know you can do it!

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  11. Thank God I found you!!!! We can do this. I have a 2 at the beginning of my scale number also. How did this happen? I weigh 70 lbs. more now than I did in 2006. This is the albatross I wear around my neck every single day. I am changing over into a new lifestyle of eating healthy and moving more. No more Diet Coke! Today is day 16 of being diet coke free. Don't laugh.....and no I would never compare this to someone giving up alcohol..... But the first 4 days were BRUTAL!!!! I made it over the wall....and now I really like iced tea, sparkling water, and lemons and limes. I am making your Antipasto Skewers for a bridal shower I am hosting this weekend. I love that I can eat everything on that skewer and still lose weight. Much of what I am serving is off limits for me at this time. I am not strong enough to stray from my plan at this time. You can do this!!!! We can do this!!!!

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    1. Hi Kathy! I used to l.o.v.e. soda years ago, and over time I cut it all out. Every now and then I want a diet soda, but mostly I'm good with water. But I do know how hard it is, kudos to going 16 days! I'm glad you could make and actually eat/enjoy the skewers! You're right, WE can do this.

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  12. So, I tried leaving a comment on this the day you posted it, but my phone does not like leaving blog comments, apparently. I know I texted you, but still wanted to leave you love on here too - you can do this, I know it and one day you'll realize it too. Just like you'll realize you ARE worth it. Time is a bitch, so is patience, but you've got a lot of love & support to help you along the way :) LUMI <3

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    1. My friend has become the teacher. Lumi!

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  13. RIDICULOUSLY belated comment, but girl, I am so proud of you for sharing! You can absolutely do this - you have a million blogger friends to cheer you on! You've got this.

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