Thursday, August 1, 2013

154.

I don't even know how, or where to begin this post. I'm upset with myself, again. I'm so bey-ond tired of feeling like this, and not liking what I see.

My weight. The thing that controls so much of my life. It is more than just the scale, but how I look, too. I really hate the way I look. Yes, I know I have a pretty face, and a good heart and am a good person {and clearly, very modest, huh?}. But I feel and see only what I know, and that is that I look terrible, which in turn makes me feel like shit. No nice way to sugarcoat that.

I told myself after I turned twenty-nine in Las Vegas, that enough was enough. But isn't that how it goes for so many of us? We get hyped up, and we are motivated and ready to enter beast mode at the gym and kill it in the kitchen. We use all these EXTREME adjectives to lose weight, and this time WE'RE GOING TO DO IT, BETCHES. And at the time we mean it. And then something happens, and/or life gets in the way.

January 2, 2013
One hundred and fifty four days until I turn thirty. Twenty-two weeks  to feel better about myself and stick with this once and for all before I enter the next decade. I refuse to enter my thirties still feeling like this and battling a weight loss journey.

March 2013

May 2013

I have learned some good habits this year, and have stuck with it in some ways more so than before. But in other ways, I have just been lazy, depressed, or unmotivated.

July 27, 2013 {photo from Jerdan Photography}

It's GO time.


14 comments:

  1. I struggle with my weight all the time. I can't believe how much I stress over it. Now that I'm pregnant I don't worry a much but I worry what will happen when baby comes. It is terrible how it takes over our lives. I think you look beautiful. Go girl. You can do it!

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  2. Can we make a pact to do this?! I know we can't work out together but I have a fitness planner (I can email it to you too!) and I'm ready! I just need someone to yell at me when I eat a cookie. When is your birthday? Mine is 12-7

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  3. I know you can do this.


    What specifics are you looking at? Certain workouts? Meals? Could you use a personal trainer to help you?

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  4. Girl, it is SO rough. There are some of us for whom controlling our weight will ALWAYS take effort. I've pretty much let myself spin out of control for the last year, and I'm starting from square one again. Let's do this together, friend!

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  5. You've got this girl! Join in the challenge to get tons of support!

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  6. It's a struggle! I have just gotten back into regular exercise after like 8 months of doing jack all.

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  7. For most of my life my weight has always made me feel uncomfortable and unnattractive. I wanted to lose weight so badly and yet "trying" to lose weight just never seemed to happen. I would lose here and there and then something would happen...and ultimately I would quite trying and gain it all back.
    This time was different for me. It's so hard to try to explain. I want to say that this is the hardest I've ever worked for it and yet the most lax I've ever been with myself. That sounds crazy, I know. But I've worked really hard on telling myself no when it comes to overeating, binging, and eating foods that are just not condusive to weight loss. I've worked hard on MAKING myself go to the gym even when I don't want to(which is everyday.haha)
    Yet, I've become lax when it comes to the rigidity of weight loss. I don't have harsh expectations of myself. I don't mentally bash myself when I do have slip ups. I've learned to roll with the punches and make it work even when exercise and such don't go as planned.
    I tell you all of this just to give you encouragement that weight loss for people like us(that want it but have a hard time making it happen) is soooo completely possible. I want you to visualize and BELIEVE that you WILL lose this weight. You just put a plan and place, stick with it as best as you can, love yourself/be kind to yourself, and remember your goal when temptations or laziness come to call. It all seems so difficult at first but when you become more comfortable with refusing to allow the things that got you to this weight to be part of your life you will begin to see how unneccassary they really were to begin with. I wish you the best. And I can't wait to see your journey unfold.

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  8. You can do it! Ugh weight loss is such a mental thing as well as physical. It's hard. But you can do it. I know you can!

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  9. You go girl! You can totally do this :)

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  10. I struggle with this all the time girl, trust me once I hit 30 I told myself I was going to get into action again and I intend to do that this fall. Good luck you can do it!!! :-)

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  11. Reading this really hits home with me. I started writing a very similar post about a week ago, but left it unfinished and never went back to it. I have let my weight get totally out of control, and I really need to do something about it. Like, now. I know you have an awesome support system around you, but I'm always here if you need additional encouragement! I have committed to losing the lbs., and I think it helps to know others who are committed to healthy eating and living, too.

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  12. I'm rooting for you Nichole! And you need to remember one thing. Don't think of it as a diet. Diets don't work for the long term. If you're going for the long term, think of it more as a lifestyle change. If you do that then you won't feel the high pressure of dieting to lose weight because that's what is supposed to happen. If you decide to make a lifestyle change, it's still hard in the beginning but you know it's for the long run and become habit forming to where you don't really think about it. Message, call, email me any time!! <3 <3 <3

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  13. I hate how weight so often defines us. It is a contstant struggle so many of us have. My weight goes up and down depending on stress in an instant. Good luck and we, all your readers, know you will do this. I plan to follow along!

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  14. I know you can do it! It sucks that a number can make us feel this way, but I completely understand and just came out of where you are. I got tired of my clothes not fitting, having to buy new clothes, and just generally feeling like crap. We can do this!!! :)

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